We all share an everlasting bond of unconditional love and joy with our pets but understand that with deep love comes intense grief when our best friends pass away. In fact, people can often experience such heavy emotions of grief and sorrow while their pets are still alive. This is known as anticipatory grief.

Feelings of anticipatory grief are completely normal and can occur numerous times throughout our relationship with our pets, especially when a pet is facing a new life-changing illness or diagnosis — or enduring a limited quality of life in their older years. We are suddenly faced with the shocking realization that one day our pet will no longer be physically by our side, which can leave us breathless with agony. No image is more painful to imagine or as striking to our hearts as the loss of our best friend.

Although anticipatory grief commonly occurs when a pet is adjusting to new challenges due to age or disease, it can also hit us during the simple moments of walking, feeding, and cuddling with our loved ones, even if they are young or perfectly healthy. People can also experience anticipatory grief when going through another loss, hearing about stories of other pets who have passed or gotten ill, or even reliving the grief of another pet who passed away long ago. Such heavy realizations can bring about similar physical and emotional distress that we go through during pet loss and cause us to feel increased loneliness, fear, and anxiety.

Anticipatory grief includes the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and potential feelings of guilt. But it also carries its own unique stages. These include shock, hope, fear, frustration, and anxiety. They can relate directly to us learning to face a new lifestyle with our pet (e.g., in determining the next steps of treatment and monitoring quality of life). Anticipatory grief can come on very abruptly, causing us distress and agony as we understand how we can never have long enough with our sweet pets and we focus more on quality over quantity of time together.

If you’re facing anticipatory grief, please know that you are not alone and that it is completely natural. It can be very helpful to seek comfort through time with your pet, friends, and family; in private counseling; or through a support group.

People are also encouraged to create a bucket list for their pet and share in many loving moments together. A bucket list includes a variety of special activities you want to share together, including traveling to fun places, feeding them their favorite foods, and most importantly sharing warm cuddles with your best friend. Each bucket list is valuable, unique, and can be coordinated specifically to your loving bond with your pet.

If you are facing some difficult decisions with your pet’s limited quality of life, you can consult with your veterinarian and seek guidance about next steps to prepare for your pet’s passing and soothing goodbye (place, environment, and always surrounded by loved ones).

Anticipatory grief can place stress on our bodies both physically and emotionally, but it also carries an important lesson that animals share too: learning to enjoy the present moment, cherishing the joy and laughter our pets bring us, and just focusing on being together. With this quality time, we can happily give our pets extra kisses, cuddles, and hugs and express how much we treasure them. Therefore, turning our anticipatory grief into positive affirmations of gratitude can help heal our hearts and give us peace. This is perhaps one of the most valuable lessons we can ever learn and is healthy for both our pets and us.

As our beloved animals have taught us: Enjoy the moment, cherish others, and live each day to the fullest together. Anticipatory grief thus helps us understand how important and meaningful our pets are in our lives, and it gives us the grace to handle such grief with gratitude and care.

For more resources that can help you cope with the grief and sadness of losing a pet, please visit bestfriends.org/petloss. And to connect with others who have experienced the loss of a beloved pet, join our Angels Rest: Best Friends Pet Memorials Facebook group.

By Anna McClain